Everything kind of sucks right now. The world is in fear of an invisible threat, innocent people are dying, and no one knows what’s going to happen next. So what do we do in this time of crisis? Well, as the late Mr. Fred Rogers once said, “look for the bloggers” (btw, did you know Mr. Rogers was from Pittsburgh? How could a bundle of pure empathy come from such a repulsive town ? No wonder he was always looking for new neighbors).

Now, if it were September 2001, and the invisible threat I was referring to was a Saudi Afghan Iraqi terrorist group, then me blogging during a world-altering period might actually be novel and groundbreaking. Instead, it’s May 2020 and I’m getting into the blogging game about 19 years too late, during what feels like Disney’s reboot of 9/11. Much like the shitty Star Wars sequels, this reboot is more drawn out, has an inconsistent villain, and has actually outperformed the original internationally.

Honestly, I’ve been very lucky through this whole pandemic so far, and I’m very grateful for that. I’ve avoided the virus and the worse thing my close friends and family have had to endure is knowing that they’re now associated with someone who “blogs”. God have mercy on them.

In fact, the only tangible way this virus that has impacted me, somehow piercing through my Mithril like armor of white privilege, is that now I can’t do stand-up comedy. I know there’s still virtual shows, but those are as close to a real stand-up show as virtual sex is to the real thing. It may feel good for a moment, but its not really something to brag about and you always end hoping that no one recorded it. Either way, you’re just jerking yourself off.

So for now, I’ll blog. Likely to no one, but who knows? Maybe as Gen-Z hits the hipster age they’ll start revolting against the YouTubers who raised them, and it’ll be cool to read obscure blogs. They’ll pretend to like it more, just like our generation pretended to like vinyl more. I’ll probably keep the blogs short for the micro-attention spans of my future state college pot head fans, but I’ll play it off as an artistic choice. Like when Kanye released the 23-min long “album” ye. The genius he is, he made it seem like it was somehow more work to release half an album. Even to so boldly use lyrics referencing pop culture events which had happened like a week before the release. But the album is great! It’s like he did semester long term paper on the morning’s newspaper and still got an A. I Stan.

Anyways. First blog! How’d I do? I hope you’ve enjoyed my incoherent ramblings and you come back for more. And if you think it sucks, well that’s just par for the course, right?